As I woke that first Christmas on my own all I heard was a very deep silence. Waking more fully I noticed that the silence actually had a sound. It was the sound of solitude. Thinking about this I realized that if I had been on a retreat at an exotic location and woke to the sound of solitude (any of the other 364 days that year), I would have broken into a huge smile and let out a contented sigh…knowing I was at peace. So what made today so different? It was only my own expectations. I could lie there in bed and feel sorry for my loneliness or I could get up and begin some brand new holiday traditions. I chose to do the latter.
You see, Christmas had always been a huge affair in my household and I had never awaked to an empty house in all of my 43 years. Talk about a change that shakes your world this was a big one for me. I had spent that Christmas Eve going to my Mother’s favorite church with my daughters. We did this in honor of my Mother who had passed away that Fall, just days after my separation. More than one change was brewing that year. I had no other family nearby except for my grown children who were doing a balancing act of their own being so close to both parents. Often transitions will be like that, one thing after the other will happen until your new life falls into place. I remember talking to a Life Coach once when I was saying, “My life is falling apart,” and she simply said, “Your life is falling together.” Even if it didn’t feel that way when I woke that first Christmas morning, that is exactly what was happening. I just needed the courage to open my eyes fully and see the possibilities.
Going down the stairs I was not completely alone. My Lhasa Apso, Pelé, and my German Shepherd, Sadie, were close on my heels. These two dogs were a very important part of my support system during this time. After taking the dogs out and pouring my coffee, I sat under my Christmas tree and began to play with Sadie and Pelé. Each of them opened their own presents by ripping the paper with their teeth as they held the gift down with their paws. I laughed and laughed as they both kept me well entertained. I had a couple of presents that I then opened from family far away and before long the feeling of solitude took on a new flair. I noticed when I accepted what was and didn’t hold on too hard to how I would have liked it to be, I actually was able to enjoy the moment.
Soon the phone began to ring and I went to my daughter’s house for dinner. It turned out to be a much better day than I had anticipated. But soon I returned home once again to the sound of solitude and again I had that same choice. Do I feel bad because I could only spend part of the day with the kids since they needed to see their dad, or do I look for possibilities? I went into the kitchen and made a huge mug of tea. There are two things that always make me feel better, one is a mug of hot tea and I bet you can guess the other. Yes, that is just what I did. I took a long hot bath. Later dressed in my favorite comfortable PJs, I turned on “It’s a Wonderful Life”. This is a long and very heartwarming movie that my family would probably have protested if I had watched it again but now it was MY choice. No protesters in sight!
Actually the entire day had been all about MY choice. Did I choose to feel lonely or find new ways to celebrate that first year when things were so very hard? I chose to find ways to celebrate. Not to say that I didn’t feel the pain or take the time to move through it. I did that and I did it often but I was not going to feel any worse than was completely necessary that First Christmas. FYI: the new tradition of the dogs opening their own gifts still stands today. Both Sadie and Pelé are now gone but our Standard Poodle, Gretchen, carries on the tradition for them. And the most amazing thing is that neither Gretchen nor the other dogs ever bothered the presents sitting under the tree. They would only start ripping open the presents on command. But after the command was given you did need to keep an eye on the rest of the gifts… after all they could not read the names on the tags and they thought all the presents were for them! <grin>
As a coach I tell you my story to encourage you to make your own strong choices! Whatever your support system is during times of starting over, be sure that you take advantage of them. Hire a coach, see a therapist, talk with clergy or find a really good friend who has your best interest at heart. Don’t forget our four legged friends. They were a life saver for me.
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Copyright 2009
Judith Geiger ~ Certified Personal Success & Relationship Coach
All rights reserved.
Flying Change Coaching, LLC
"One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar." Helen Keller
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